Crossdressers of the 21st Century!
by The Mabudachi Duet
Summary: After quitting yet ANOTHER job, Sora is forced by Riku to apply for a different one. This one's a little odd, though...


'Disclaimer': To disclaim. And here is ours:

We do not own Kingdom Hearts!1!

Alright, this absolutely crazy fanfic idea came from our evil minds when we were up late. nodnod Hope you like! Oh yeah, and it takes place in some weird AU reality where all the KH characters live with all the FF VII characters and Leon.

K+ For LANGUAGE. Scary.

**Chapter One: Miss America**

"Okay, next," Sora called out drearily as he stared down the long line of customers. To put it bluntly, working at a post office sucked. And you had to wear those nasty shorts.

"Dude!" a voice called out from behind him. It was the manager. Nobody really knew his name, but his nameplate said, 'Dude', so that's what everyone called him.

"Dude! You're makin' the dudes wait to long, dude!" said Dude. "Go faster, dude!"

Sora sighed. "I'm working as fast as I can, Dude. But there's too many of them! And they all wanna pay me in nickels and that SUCKS because counting by fives is totally hard and I failed the second grade because of it!"

Dude sweatdropped. "Dude."

An old lady walked up to the counter. "I'd like seven and a half books of stamps, please," she said, and handed Sora a random assortment of pennies and nickels.

"ARRGH! That's it! I quit!" Sora stomped out of the building and directly into the lake next to it.

* * *

"Lessee…got any fives?" 

"...Crap."

"HAHA! I win again!"

Sora arrived home to the very disturbing picture of Riku doing a happy ballet dance on top of the table.

Riku stopped mid-pirouette. "Geez, what happened, Sora? You look like the walking dead."

Aerith twitched. Being subject to Riku cheating at Go Fish was one thing, but having to deal with his lame, "Night of the living dead" jokes really stressed her.

"I walked into the lake," Sora snapped.

"Oh silly, why'd you go and do that?"

"Because I quit my job."

Riku had to ponder this for a moment. "Well, that still doesn't explain why you---WHAT? YOU QUIT YOUR JOB! WHAT ABOUT MY SOURCE OF INCOME? MY HAPPINESS, SORA?"

Sora shook all of the water off him. "I'm not the only one who can work here, you know. Vincent, Cloud, and Leon work too."

Riku waved this off. "But they never have any money for me to spend. What with Leon's smoking habit and Vincent's gambling problem, I'll never get anything! And Cloud's a schoolteacher AND paying all the bills. You're my only source of fun!"

"Err….." Sora sweatdropped.

"Thus, we must find you a job," Riku continued. "One that makes as much money as possible with your limited education."

* * *

Riku had his nose stuck in the paper looking at the job ads. "Plumber? No. Barber? No, that requires at least a fourth-grade education." 

Sora twitched.

"No, no…AHA!" Riku grinned gleefully. "I've found it! Time to rake in the cash!"

Sora, slightly curious, peered over Riku's shoulder. "What? What is it?"

Riku flipped the newspaper over to reveal an ad circled in bright pink that read:

BON-BON CAFE

WAITRESS NEEDED

NO PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE REQUIRED

APPLY 679-123-4567 OR

8589 MAIN ST.

Sora turned a bright shade of pink, maroon, purple, and then back to pink. "Err…Riku…that says 'waitress'. You're joking, right? You forgot to put in your contacts this morning, right?"

Of course not, Sora bon-bon!" Riku would have squealed if he had not been entirely too dignified. "You are going to that interview right away!" Sora had the audacity to look slightly stunned as Riku dragged him off.

* * *

"Nope, too long, too short…" Riku held up a humongous shirt. 'Entirely too big.." 

"Riku, I'm NOT gonna be a waitress! I'm a GUY, remember?"

"Well, not to say you don't look like one---but you don't look like one. Sorry." Riku continued digging through the large pile of girl's clothes in his closet. We can only wonder.

"HA! Perfect!"

Sora sweatdropped the largest sweatdrop ever known to mankind. "No way in HELL!"

* * *

"C'mon, get out of the bathroom!" Riku pleaded. 

"NO!"

"Yes!"

"NO"

"Sora, I have Mr. Snuggles in my hand. Do you want to see him again—alive?"

Sora stepped out of the bathroom, in one of the most voluptuous waitress uniforms you will probably ever see.

"Oh my…" Riku said holding Mr. Snuggles close. "You're… I'm…a… FREAKIN' GENIUS!"

"Wha?" Sora asked, itching his leg. (Which was newly waxed along with his other leg, and both arms) "Eh?" Sora questioned again. "Oh no! Riku what did you do? I DEMAND a mirror this INSTANT!" "Oh don't worry you look fine, especially with the wax! Although if you want a bikini wax, you're going to have to go somewhere else." Riku said grabbing Sora by the arm. "But it's that HAIR that needs work!"

"My… NO!" Sora screeched, as he tried to break free of Riku's tight grasp. "Don't worry!" Riku assured again. "I have ALL the products, and materials we'll need to make you Miss America!"

* * *

"NO!" Sora screeched as Riku's aqua hairbrush pulled his head halfway to the floor. 

"Now HOLD STILL!" Riku yelled impatiently.

"NOooooooOOooooOoOOoooo!" Sora moaned as Riku hit a particular spot. And this spot is where Sora's Choppy haircut reveled itself to be five-foot long locks of hair.

"HOLY CRAP!" Riku shrieked in horror as he backed up towards the door. "Sora when was the last time you cut your hair? No wonder that knot was the size of a Grand piano!"

"It was WHAT?" Sora yelled. "Oh, I guess I've never cut my hair before!"

"Well, whatever the challenge… I, Riku, shall not fail!" Riku said, reaching for the pair of scissors. "Uh… Riku?" Sora asked. "What are ya doing?"

"All waitresses need short hair!" Riku announced.

"YOU CAN'T!" Sora squealed clutching his hair.

"Oh yes I can!" Riku shouted as Sora's hair fell to the floor.

* * *

"And now!" Riku shouted. "I shall randomly select TWO people from the living room to look at you!" 

"WTFBBQ?" Sora said. "Yes…" Riku said, squinting. A couple minutes later Riku came back with Namine and Leon. "Well guys!" He shrieked in delight. "Whaddya think?"

"OMG!" Namine' yelled turning red. "What in the seven hells did you do to Sora?"

"It's nice." Leon said. "Except, aren't you forgetting something?"

"OH NO, I DID! Ok Sora, I think you know what to do with these."

"NO FREAKIN' WAY! NOT IN SEVEN MILLENNIUNMS!"

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO IT EITHER!" Riku screamed. "But you have to if you want to get this job!"

"I don't WANT to get this job!" Sora yelled as he got shoved out the front door.

* * *

**To be continued!**

This will continue regardless of reviews, but please review anyways?

And guess what 'these' are. Just think evil.


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